With my first pregnancy, I was quite naive. I believed everything my doctor told me, I wish I had done more research and gone with what I wanted. I allowed them to talk me into an epidural, despite handling labor for many days and a full day of a high piton labor like a champ. The epidural stalled my labor, it made it so I couldn’t move with my labor and delivery. Mason was in a sunny side up position, with a brow presentation, which is one of the hardest positions a baby can be in to try and birth, and I was stuck on my back, I absolutely hated my epidural. I felt like I was disconnected from the labor and birth, I could’t feel what was going on, couldn’t feel my son. When I began pushing I hated that I couldn’t feel when to push, it didn’t come naturally, the one nurse in the room would tell me when to start and stop because she was watching a monitor. Truly mind blowing that something so natural, something our amazing bodies are meant to do was put to what a monitor said, not what I was feeling. I pushed for just about 3 hours, hard long pushes, his head would start to come out and then go right back in. My doctor was only there for the very first and last push, which honestly shocked me, I expected him to be there for me, to be there monitoring our sweet babe, but no he was not there ever. I felt alone, abandoned by my health professional, by the man who told me he would help me bring my son into the world. He checked me immediately after my last push and stopped, He said don’t push again, it’s time for a cesarean now. Everyone rushed around, they wouldn’t tell me what was going on with my son, or myself. I had a bad panic attack, instead of sitting with me discussing what was going on, per their protocol, without my request, they gave me something to “calm me down” what they didn’t know was I would panic even worse, because I didn’t want to be out of it during the birth of my son. They wheeled me into the OR, people where cleaning it like crazy as they brought me in, which worried me, then as they tried to transfer me from my hospital bed to the tiny cold metal OR table they shifted me too far to the Left and I almost fell off the bed right onto my belly, onto my baby, the anesthesiologist was the one who caught me, he was a true blessing through everything. C-sections are strange, they are cold, they are sterile, they aren’t a beautiful birth, to me they are terrifying. You feel lots of pressure, and tugging, you hear people having conversations and you just anxiously wait to hear the cry you’ve waited for months to hear. Mason came out, he cried before they even pulled him all the way out, and he went straight to the nurses, and then straight to my face, he clung to me, I was in tears but I was also apprehensive because things didn’t feel right behind that sterile blue curtain, things started to hurt, started to pinch. I knew something was wrong when I heard the clicks of the hemostats and felt the pain. I saw the panic on my doctors faces, when they ushered out my husband and baby to the nursery. They kept saying the bleeding wouldn’t stop, and they needed more lap pads, I knew something was wrong. No one would tell me anything. Weeks after my delivery I learned that my uterus tore, from the c section incision down to my cervix. Finally I told my anesthesiologist that I could feel the pinch from the hemostats, I could feel the actual pain from the small pinch, he looked panicked and quickly pushed two doses of fentanyl which put me to sleep. I woke up in a panic as they pushed me down the hall, I was cold shaking uncontrollable and all I wanted was to see my angel. They finally brought him in, but I was so out of it I couldn’t hold him, I hated this! Your supposed to be able to feed your child the first time, instead I was blessed with some nurses who knew I wanted to exclusively breastfeed him, one held my breast to his mouth the other held mason. A few hours later, I was finally able to hold my son! My husband who was tired and hungry ran to get us some cheese burgers and a milk shake, thats when the pediatrician came in saying they needed to take mason into the nursery to do an ultrasound on his head to see if there was just fluid or if it was blood, he came out with a saggy head, kinda like a water balloon when you held him it sagged over your hand, so scary. The nurses checked me while mason was gone, and of course I had developed a post surgical fever, and they immediately started me on IV antibiotics. I knew something was wrong with my baby, when the pediatrician came back, without mason. She told me that the fluid on his head was in fact blood, they told me he also had a fever, they told me they already called the ambulance and hospital in Springfield and that he would immediately be taken to the NICU in a different town, they told me I couldn’t go, this killed me. Our first night together, his first night out of my womb and we would be apart. I frantically called my husband telling him he had to immediately come back and he had to follow the ambulance to the hospital. That night, I couldn’t sleep, I didn’t want to be there, I didn’t want to be apart from my new child and my husband. The next morning, I was told if I got up, showered and urinated on my own twice I could leave and go be with my family, so at 6 am thats exactly what I did by 7 am I was ready to go, then they broke more bad news, my fever wasn’t decreasing, it was actually getting worse and I needed to be there for at least one more IV antibiotic, so meaning I wouldn’t be able to leave until 4 pm. As my mom wheeled me out of the hospital to head to see my baby, my husband called, he told me they had to do a blood draw and a spinal tap on our sweet newborn, to make sure he didn’t have meningitis, because his fever kept going up. We rushed to Springfield, the moment I saw my sweet babe just sleeping comfortably in the tiny crib I began to cry, that was my baby, he had already gone through so much pain, I went right in, reunited and held him for hours. The pediatrician on duty came in and discussed what was going on. Mason had a subgaleal hemorrhage, a very rare child birth complication, basically the scalp pulls away from the skull and the space fills with blood, its normally only in babies that were delivered with a vacuum or forcep delivery. It showed how hard and strong my pushes were, I caused this, which made me feel awful. They also explained how his blood would be cultured to find out what antibiotics would be best to treat his infection. A day had passed and Mason developed jaundice, as a result from his body reabsorbing all the blood that was on his head, he had to be under the UV lights completely for days, we couldn’t hold him, unless it was time to feed him. I sat there all day everyday, just holding his little finger telling him how strong he was, how much we loved him, and praying a lot. That same day, his blood culture results came back, he had a staph infection, which would require him to be in the NICU receiving IV antibiotics for 7 days, we knew it would be a long stay. The hospital tried to get us to leave Mason, to stay at a home nearby in Eugene, we refused. We did not want to be apart from our sweet boy, we told them if they moved us to a smaller room that would be just fine, but that we would be staying my husband would sleep on the floor and I would sleep in the rocking chair, they opted to letting us stay in the bigger room, because we were so stubborn. We were by his side everyday, all day. About 4 days, into our stay the nurses talked us into leaving for a few hours, to go to target to go get some food for ourselves, when we returned mason was dressed and the lights were off, they wanted to surprise us, I cried then too! I held him for hours, all night actually. We did everything for mason, we recorded his temperature, we fed him, changed him, bathed him, weighed him, the nurses didn’t know what to do with themselves because we were the most involved parents they had ever had. Finally, on day 8 we were able to go home, and our scary encounter was over, we were taking our sweet boy home! On that day, our strong little boy rolled over for his first time, and he didn’t stop he rolled everyday after that, hitting all his milestones early. This pregnancy we want a more natural approach, we had birth trauma with masons whole delivery. We found an absolutely wonderful midwife in our area, and we would pursue a completely natural medication free pregnancy and childbirth. We are planning on a beautiful, natural VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean) experience with our amazing midwife, who herself has had 2 successful VBAC’s, and aided women in many. We are so dedicated to this, I want to feel every moment, I want to labor at home, I want a water birth, I want mason to be apart of as much as possible, while I’m comfortable having him there, I want to do what my body was MADE to do! I am 16.5 weeks pregnant with this baby, we have had visits with our midwife every 4 weeks, since we found out we were pregnant at about 3.5 weeks along, we have heard our babies heartbeat on many occasions, its so strong and steady. We see our babe for the first time, November 9th we find out if we will be welcoming another wild man or a sweet little lady into the world on April 1st 2017. This pregnancy has been so different then my first, I have been so sick, and so painful. What’s so different with a midwife rather then a OBGYN, is that my midwife is helping me through all my pains, and side effects, my doctor with Mason basically told me to deal with it. My midwife prescribed Vitamin B12 injections, which helped a crazy amount with nausea and fatigue, she suggested I try probiotics for my heartburn, I am using kombucha, 4 oz a day and I have absolutely no heartburn, Ive had heartburn despite medications since I was pregnant with mason. She has me on magnesium for the muscle and joint aches, which took them away, on iodine for some cysts I had and for ache, and of course on a prenatal vitamin. I have never felt so supported by a health care professional, she is always and I mean ALWAYS there for us. We have her cell phone, to contact her day, night weekend if we need to, she replies to messages emailed to her in 1-2 days. I am so far loving this pregnancy and my midwife has honestly helped make this such a positive experience. She has helped me release any fear I had with childbirth, and I am just so excited and ready, I honestly have no fear, my body was made to do this, made to go through the pain, made to be able to push out a baby. I feel empowered. I feel beautiful, I feel confident. I am a strong woman and I know I can do anything!
I am excited to have a place to document my pregnancy, and my childbirth.
“It is important to keep in mind that our bodies must work pretty well, or their wouldn’t be so many humans on the planet.”
― Ina May Gaskin, Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth